I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
