I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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