Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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