you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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