I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
