Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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