OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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