i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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