I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
