and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
