what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
