Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
