Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
