I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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