Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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