I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
