I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
