i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize