Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
