we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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