trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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