She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
