My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
