you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
