Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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