I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dick very happy bro
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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