I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
