Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's blow job season.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
