so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
