i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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