I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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