Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
