He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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