I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
