All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
