Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
