I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
