My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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