I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh god it's open bar.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
