just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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