It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
