ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
