One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
