Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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