No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
