She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
