Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
