I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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