They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
