Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
