I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
