And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
