im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
