It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
