yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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