FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
