my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
