I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize