Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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