I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
