If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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