I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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