Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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