tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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