Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I deserve this hangover.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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