no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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