You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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