I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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